Thursday, April 7, 2011

Bruised and Scarred

its been a month since i last wrote anything here i would love to say that everything has been better but its not better at all 
i am not okay .. i feel lonely .. this huge void inside of me is getting bigger .. feel so scared like am in a big sea in this tiny tiny boat all by myself 
my dad passed away 11 days ago .. i dunno how am dealing with it cause probably am not dealing with it to begin with i am just acting like everything is okay when its very far from okay .. i tell everyone am fine and act strong when am not i really miss my daddy everytime the door opens i feel like he is coming in i swear i could hear his voice sometimes i wake up at night and go check his bed maybe its all a dream and he will be still there i hope you are in a better place dad of course but its like am having one of this bad dreams and i can't wake up i the saddest thing is that you never knew its gonna happen you dunno when to say goodbye i didn't get to say goodbye or tell you how much i love you or how much i will miss you or that am sorry if i ever annoyed you i needed that last hug  .. your hug dad that made everything feels okay u gave me protection and now i feel so small without you .. 
and you .. my baby my sweetheart .. you were everything i wanted .. i expected you to be here to be with me in such a weird time but u weren't we had this fight over nothing and then u r not there anymore .. i can't seem to find u u nvr call again unless i ask u to WHERE THE FUCK R U !! i need you the most and where r you i dunno why u  took ur side again like the last time and u dun wanna talk to me anymore tho i needed u the most i wish o culd understand what r u thinking .. i mean r u doing this on purpose do u want us to stop talking like the last time .. cause thats what you seem to be doing !! i wish you could come to your senses cause i really need you to get me through this !

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