I Don't Care What They Say .. I'm In Love With You !!

gosh people these days are so getting on my nerves .. everyone suddenly is calling just to ask or sniff around why we broke up .. i barely pick up coz i know why they are all calling .. just to satisfy their curiosity and everyone goes like hmmm its better off this way !! people why is it better everyone has his own opinion why we are better off this way some see we were together for too long some see that we r not for eachother even our best friend said that we had alot of fights and its us not the circumstances and all and we were to leave each other sooner or later well EXCUSE ME people i didn't ask for anyone's opinion and though i will say something stop assuming what was going on between us even if we fight so what all people fight but we fought in those last few months not like ever because everything was falling over our heads but you know what we managed to get back to happiness everytime though everything we had something solid it was our love yes we love eachothers it was true though every one says it was the thing u have once in your life .. just once its the forever and ever material i dun care what everyone thinks .. maybe we broke up maybe its for ever but this guy is my destiny even if i am not gonna end up with hi but he was the one for me i was happy with him even when we were fighting i was happy to know that he is there and he will always be there or to be honest i was Safe to know that he will always has my back .. this didn;t turn out to be as i hoped ofc maybe the circumstances were stronger than him but not me i would have stayed but aftr what i saw i cudn't .. and he didn't try to pull me back but deep down inside me .. i dunno why i am feeling this but i know its not goodbye .. we r not through maybe i am mistaken but i dunno i still feel so .. and if its really over then people its not for the best or its better off this way .. if it was in my hands i'll do it all over again .. i dun regret any second i spent with him .. even if he will leave me rot .. he will always be my special baby and i will always be his loving mom cause my love for him is way bigger than any knife he put in my heart ..

I Surrender

Am tired and scared and feeling so empty .. today i woke up feeling so empty so lonely .. i realized i dun have anyone .. am all alone i dun have a best friend to go hang out with .. i dun have someone who loves me to run to and hide in his arms my life is so meaningless .. i wish i die i dun want to live anymore i hate this life i hate how unfair it is i keep on accepting everything that happens to me but then what !! i accepted that am nobody then i accepted that all people will eventually hurt me then accepted being with the only one i loved with no hope coz i just wanted him and him only then now i lost him .. than WHAT !! whats left to lose whats left to live for i dun wanna wake up .. i hate waking up everyday to my world i hate my life i do and am tired of fighting and wishing for the best .. it only gets worse .. i wish i just die !

Better in Time ..

today i woke up much better .. i guess its the power of time .. i am accepting it more now and actually living with it .. yea when i accidently remember something we had maybe few tears come into my eyes but i am sure in few weeks i'll reach the stage where i will just smile 
i am not angry anymore .. maybe because i have to live with what happened i had to find some inner peace with myself and thank god am on my way to complete peace .. i've passed the denial stage now i am in acceptance i fully accepted what happened and convincd myself that it really happen and i have to go on on my own 
what will happen next i dunno .. Whatever will be will be ! 
only what didn't kill me .. made me stronger !

Heaven

today i was watching an episode from supernatural it was talking about when you die and go to heaven and their version of heaven was that you will have your own world made up of your best memories and i was thinking thats great and i imagined a day of my best memories from the moment i wake up till i fall asleep i made up this day gathreing memories from different days with the best memories and wow i won't mind living this day over and over and over and reliving such memories 
What are these memories .. can't tell you :P its my heaven !

Goodbye My Lover ..

This is the last time am gonna write about you or talk about you with anyone .. am gonna take all our memories and bury it so deep inside of me .. yes i'm letting you go am setting you free .. i see you have moved on .. so quick yeah but thats time for me to move on too .. i can't keep living in pain and you feeling nothing i knew you wanted this all along and i hope that you get what you want i can't say i hate or that i'm releived now no your memory will always be honored .. i've lived with you the best days of my life so far i remember everything you were my first love .. my first true thing .. i really wished you were the one for me .. i loved you with my everything we have lived somedays together that however i tired i will never forget .. but they are all memories now .. memories thats gonna enter my small memories box and be locked up till further notice i'll gather everything you got me and keep it away so i prevent myself from seeing them and growing soft am gonna learn from you and be tough .. for the 4 past years you were my armour .. you  were the one i run to whenever i need someone you were all i wanted that i didn't bother knowing anyone else .. i was damn sure that you will always be there but apparently i was wrong .. the day we broke up i was in so much pain and the thing is i didn't find anyone to run to .. you were my all now ur gone and i have nothing .. so its time for me to be my all for me at least am sure that i can't leave me .. i won't say i hate you now or love you less but am gonna move on i can't just keep standing there watching you moving on and me just waiting for you to wake up someday missing me .. so your going now to be locked up in a box and i will act like i am okay until i believe it .. i'll go back and know people i'll put other purposes in my life other than living to love you i will never forget you thats a promise .. a part of me will always be for you .. you changed alot in me i'm a whole different person now and only because of you so thank you for that , thank you for everything .. i dunno whats gonna happen in the future i dunno if we will ever meet again i dunno if you will find the kind of girl you want or i'll find another guy the future is unknown .. but i'll not hurt you i'll go pretend like you nvr mattered as you did with me i'll just walk away with the shatters of my dignity .. and i'll mend myself up i know i can i'm a strong girl .. i'll get over this break up i'll forget all the bad drama we had in those last few months so when if i met you again i will be able to smile 
Good luck ya 7abiby .. lesa batmanalk el kher zy el awel we yemken aktr kaman .. we ab2a aftkrni bl kher don't fill you heart with hate to me 
khaly balk menak :)
Bye

What Hurts The Most ..

i keep on wondering about how he just let me go as if he wanted to .. i mean is he happy now ? did he just moved on like he never knew me ? does he think about me ? does he miss me ? i dunno why my heart keeps telling me no :S i know the kinda guy he is .. he is so tough in ways i cannot describe i mean he will go on and pretend like everything is okay .. he will not come back to me i know and this is what hurts he didn't even try to talk about it 
and whats bothering me too is i can't stop wondering is he talking to another girls now .. will he meet a girl that he will like more than he liked me .. i mean losing him is something and imagining him with someone else is a whole other thing ! i can live with him not with me .. at least am trying and i'll get used to it but him with someone else .. i dunno :S
i hope you are happy now .. and maybe one day find what you needed and i couldn't give you ...